Monday, April 30, 2007

Super 3D Noah's Ark

You can tell by the Title Screen that this game is going to be the top selling game of the year.

I would rather pray for the great flood than to play Wisdom Tree's Super 3D Noah's Ark. The game is the only unlicensed Super Nintendo game to ever be commercially released, and it's no wonder why Nintendo refused to release this crap. The game takes the engine of Wolfenstein 3D (which Wikipedia has an interesting story about how Wisdom Tree obtained the source), and mixes it with bible studies, because obviously when one thinks of Wolfenstein 3D they think of religion and piousness.

Carl The Camel = Satan?

You have to calm the animals down (by feeding them with a slingshot) as they attempt to hump you and you're forced to listen to the stupid carnival music that somehow manage to play throughout the entire damn ark.

What could possibly be scarier than being sexually violated by a goat?

Being humped by a horny, crying, emo cow apparently.

Sadly, I never got up to the cranky old Carl the Camel (or the 5 minute mark of this game), simply because within 30 seconds in, I wanted to toss all of these cows, goats, and creators of this game off of the ark and into the flood. Let them all go the way of the dinosaurs.

I always wondered what happened if I was attacked by a cow. Apparently I would go into a magenta euphoria. Thanks Wisdom Tree, for showing me the things I would never know!


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